Arab
An Arab Primer ''Where can I find an Arab? studio.]] Now, we can get into fancy-shmancy historical details and academic mumbo-jumbo, but for the purposes of this concise encyclopedia, I'll just give it to you plain: Arabs reside in the Middle East. That simple. You can find 'em in desert wastelands like Pakestine, Israelistan, Libyanistan, Saudi Arabian, and Russia. Where else? Europe, duh. While das Vaterland, I mean the fatherland I mean Europe was sleeping and/or doing bong hits, dark heathens have been leaping over thier fences (see Mexicans). Postwar, limp-wristed Europe finds itself with a large pergentage of it's population (4%) working covertly to undermine Western Civilization. In other words, Europe will some become an extension of the Middle East. For more: you can find hourly lectures on this very topic expounded on Talk Radio and the always trustworthy Fox News. ''Who is their leader? The leader of the Arab terror nation was Adolf Nasser, an Islamofascist . However, due to his more Islamo rather than fascist nature, he was overthrown by Hitler in 1945 BC. Many scientists now believe that Hitler is still their leader. Ever since World War 2, Hitler and Mohammed have combined forces and shared leadership over all Arabs, ruling in exile from somewhere in San Francisco! ''What should I do if I find one? Hmmm...same thing you should do when you find litter on the floor. If it is on American soil, you damn well better bin it or else it is a sin. If there are lots of people around, you should probably ignore it. You can also just step right over it, or better still, kick it around. Beggars may try to interact with one to gain money. ''What do they look like? In the Time Before Political Correctness Reigned, Adolf Hitler called Arabs "lower than monkeys." Make of that what you may. Discerning Patriots will remember what this German leader also said of Jews, Commies, Gays, and liberals. As the Blacks say, "Don't hate the playa, hate the game". The Arabs are a people with a rich and storied history. There are many kinds of Arabs, and therefore, many kinds of Terrorists. Which kind of Terrorist were you looking for? The kind that lives in the Middle East These are the most common type of Arab (pronounced AY-RAB). Many thousands of years ago, Satan birthed triplets, he named the brothers "Semites". One son was called "Jew", the other "Ethiopian", and the last "Arab". Arab and Jew were a lot like Able and Cain, except that both more resembled Cain. Arab and Jew had large families, which became races. The Son Called Jew, in a Kosher Nutshell In the Torah, it is written that they are "like grains of the sand". In the Bible, they are the "Babylonians". In Merchant of Venice, they're Shylock. The Son Called Ethiopian, in a Well-stocked Pantry This son is so mysterious that some people wonder how many can fit on the head of a pin. The Son Called Arab, in a Burqa All Arabs blow themselves up at least once in their lives, beat their wives daily, burn American flags at weekly rallies, hate freedoms, and eat babies. The Historical Kind of Arabs Arabs have a very mysterious history. Though it is widely believed that Borat was the first Arab, not much is known about their early civilization. Ancient Arabians The first Arab kingdom was in Saudi Arabia, and was made up entirely of sand and mud. However, the Arabs didn't like sand very much, so their Arabian Kingdom didn't go so well. It still doesn't. Modern Arabians When the TV was brought to much of Arabdom, many rejoiced at the prospect of Arabs watching The Colbert Report. Unfortunately, the liberal media has managed to block out the signal, so many Arabs are denied truthiness, a heinous sin for which all liberals will burn in hell for eternity. The poor Arabs, denied of Our Glorious Stephen and the democratic American truthyisms that would otherwise be theirs, must instead choose between the all-too-bland televisual diet of Al Jazeera and U.S. Psy Ops "Freedom One" programing. These are virtually indistinct, and neither offer Tek Jansen or a Sport Report. The Qur'an-reading, Mohammed-worshipping, Muslim kind, from the cult of Islam . These are very peculiar and dangerous individuals, rather like talking dynamite. If left alone, they will incessantly recite their strategy guide over and over, until they become dizzy and fall asleep. However, if touched, provoked or even stared at for too long, side-effects such as zombification or explosion may occur. Proceed with caution. There is also a particularly bizarre kind of Muslimic Arab sect called "Whirling Dervishes" who get their kicks from spinning around in circles for days at a time. No one knows why they do this, except maybe for the head-rush. They also like poetry, and some guy called "Sufi." This is obviously the gayest form of Islam, with the possible exception of Gayslamofascism. The Association of Radical American Bears(A-RAB) Though less of a direct danger at the moment, all Arabs are not to be trusted. Oh no. A-rats and A-rabs included. Like their less hirsute terrorist cousins, A-RAB members are fanatical, and will do anything to hurt The Baby Jesus and Lady Liberty. Your donations will fund our successful war against these terrorists! The Shiite or Sunni kind of Arab that fights freedom in Iraq So smelly, even the average Arab is not too pleased with these guys, because in the average Arab's opinion, they are not meeting their Iraqi civilian death quota for Satan each day. Sunnis and Shias are really just the same. The only difference is that they can't agree on how to spell the word T-E-R-R-O-R-I-S-T. Of course, they're both wrong and so they should just blow each other up, all the way to hell... The kind that lives in Iran under the dictatorship of Mahamoud Ahamedjihateamericahad Mahmoud Ahmadinejad These are the most dangerous of all Arabs. Though they deny they are Arab, it's another liberal ploy that they are "Persian". Of course, if they're Persian, and not Arab, why do they want to destroy freedom? BECAUSE THEY'RE TERRORISTS! Most of them. Not Mahamoud Ahamedjihateamericahad Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, of course. It is a liberal lie that he hates America. In fact, he loves America so much, he's been trying to build a nuke as a present to Freedom loving countries such as ours, but our GREATEST PRESIDENT EVER! is just too humble to accept, so we must "bomb the Arab out of them". The kind that belongs to one of the following terrorist organizations : Hezbollah : Al Qaeda : Elf'Qaeda : The Axis of Evil : NAMBLA : Ali Coli : Factinistas The scum bag of society, many scientists now postulate that Arabs evolved from a horrible experiment conducted by a liberal in the 5th century BC. Apparently, a rat, a gorilla and a rabid bear were all consumed at once by a democrat, spat out after some indigestion and then horribly reformed into the world's first Arab, Borat. Of course, Islamdom = Arabdom, so all Muslims are Arabs, all Arabs are terrorists, and everything makes perfect sense... But these terrorists are what the Surrendery cheese-eating monkeys call "creme de le creme". They are the scum bag of the scum bags. And the scum bags love em! That is, if Aabs could ever love, which, with four wives, clearly prooves that they can love in quantity, though not quality. On many occasions, Stephen Colbert and his army of Eagles have taken prisoner many of these people animals - as a true citizen to the Colbert nation, you have a duty to aid - enlist at your nearest Eagle nest! The kind that wages War on Christmas with the help of the Anti-Claus These Arabs are typical. They have long beards, they sneaked into our country on the back of a truck filled with trash and found the smell lovely enough to see them to America. When they do arrive of course, they start protesting about "Freedom of speech" when they are told not chant death to America, they protest that freedom of religion is obstructed by having churches present and they above all hate America, because our great country saves their stinky, diseased asses from terrorists. Now you know why Mummy and Daddy don't vote for liberals (if they do, pack your bags and report to GITMO!). The kind that hates the Baby Jesus, Stephen Colbert, Mel Gibson, and The Greatest President Ever Most of these are at GITMO right now, where they belong. Here, they have limited access to the Qu'ran, but apart from that, life for them isn't much different from their "normal" life in Islamdom; they have access to the toilet once a month, to the shower twice a year. They will, of course, all burn in a righteous smiting hell. The kind that wants to elect The First Arab President of the United States .]] These Arabs are quite varied. Whilst some try to be decent Americans voting for whom they seem is best, many are stupid and believe that this is the only solution to the Arab-Israeli wars, which , by the way, if you hadn't noticed are started by the Jews and frequently won by them too. EEH! WRONG! He'll help the Jews even more. Oh and being Arab, they can NEVER be true Americans. No, not ever. Get out. Ooooh. And voting for who seems best? THE REPUBLICANS ARE THE BEST - NO EXCUSES, VOTE FOR LIBERTY, NOT LIBERAL! Lifestyle of Arabs Arabs have a very complex lifestyle. They enjoy their cuisine and will often kill their fiftieth wife to prove it. Each Arab is entitled to have 50,003,094 wives exactly. However, if an Arab is to have more than one of this number, then "Allah kill you!" Arabs work as camel drivers and owners in Arabdom. No one knows why, or how this makes money. But it just does, don't ask, asking only helps the terrorists. Arabs live in very well made tents, like these: /\ They can withstand winds of up to 3mph, so when our planes do fly over them, "Allah show us". Good Other things about Arabs * Arabs own the world's oil industry. Frequently they raise oil prices because they try to hurt America, but whenever they did, Saddam would invade their country. With Saddam gone, Israel can do the job. * Arabs not only control the oil industry, they are the primary ingredient of oil. Ground up Arabs is a lot like Peanut oil. * Arabs can count from 1 to 5 faster than any living man. When employed in thousands, they can count to very large numbers, like a million, a trillion or even a brazillion. This makes them semi-useful bankers.